Sunday, 13 November 2011

i love Him, him and them

Since i decided to become a fulltime housewife 5 yrs ago...no body actually asked me why?...if they did..not why? but who make you?....

One thing about most of Malaysian people...they like to point fingers...not all..but most of them...sometime...i'm also adapting to this unwanted behaviors...but see it like this..im also Malaysian..and im human.. ;-)

They will see the problem of Me not working is because my darl doesn't let me...or some of them tought that im a non qualified person..as im wearing niqab, most properbly im not going to school...hahaha....people like to assume!

to be very honest and clear...

He...my darl only 40% of the reason for me to stay..the rest...i myself....so..please dont blame him...he just want the best for me and the kids...

Myself...

The reason...

Bismilllah...

Allah the Almighty....my work..a Doctor...the mix up between the man and women...unless malaysia have a special hospital for man and woman like saudi...i will work as i know we still need alot of muslim woman Dr to treat other woman in need.
To avoid the fitnah and the burden that will be carried by my hub and my shoulder in front of Allah...i just choose to stay at home and be the one that work for Him ,him and them..the kids.

Hub....i knew him..like 14 yrs....we been friend since im 16...and i know...he is soo againts me when i told him, im taking medicine in uni...he said '' i, if i want to be a doctor, i can..but i wont, because im a family man...i like my life to be with my family...not with work''....when we got married, and have our first son....he just said, i wont stop u if u want to work, but i really hope that u will not....''  so i choose not to...because...i love Him, him and them.

Them...the kids...i started to wear niqab when i was pragnant of my second daughter...the moment i choose to do so...i already make up my mind...CT, WEARING THIS, MEANS U WILL NEVER BE A DOCTOR'' then the next thing that come to my mind...''ct, how on earth will you tell your mom about this'' as i tought the challange will be from my side...how i ever be so wrong!..

Back to the reason...the kids...Allah grant me 5 yrs to feel the joy of being next to my hub and kids when i was in the uk...Oh, if Allah did not let me to feel this...i will surely be a very hardwoking Dr with lots of money, big fancy cars and those who ''hates '' me now will surely love me...but..i will miss out the sweetnees of seeing my kids developmental milestones, the first roll, the first crawl, the first in everything about them....i will surely be the one who let other be their ''mom''...i will surely be the one who blame the nursery for making my children be rude to me and other people....Because i don't want that...i choose Him, him and them...

I somehow..did not tell my close family the reason...because i know it will make no different...they see me a someone who waste my time and degree...someone who are lazy...and make no benefits...at first..i feel so depress!...of couse...im...they say that u are useless woman with no ambition...how small is the birds brain think!...but after a while...i see them as a challange...i channel my sadness to something powerfull...i make my niah to prove to them im not a useless housewife...and i do my best in every bits of my life...my children esp...

But to my suprise....they still look down on me...and i still feel something is missing...and from that moment...i know..my niah is wrong...i should not make it for them..i should do it for Him...and now i did...everything is for Him..and since then..im happy...no matter how difficult the thing is...the test...the road...my niah is for Him...and He repay me with a very happy life, i feel so bless and i learn how to ignore...which sometimes i fail to do so..haih..i just turn my face again to Him for forgiveness..

Every woman...deep inside surely want to be a fulltime mommy to their precious...in deed!...but there are just to many factors that make them not be able to do so...but if you have the chance..even for a tiny bit...please consider the option...i know the money attraction is sooo strong, but remember....u are doing this for ur family...u are giving away ur money for something better...be a good mom, will produce a good family...the good family with soleh  n solehah children will be a permanent investment for ur akhirah...the rizq is in the hand of Allah...

i think..i write too much..i need to stop...i just remember..this entry is for the reason...not the babblings!...kah!...

So..this is my reason...

Alhamdullillah..Thanks You Allah... ;-)

1 comment:

ishamizu said...

You're so right dear. Wpon penat jd full housewife tp puas dan sng hati sbb dpt tgk n jg seniri ank2 yg dpn mata kan..dulu masa keje jd cikgu kontrak jap ank2 dok kt bbysitter sll aje tak sihat..kene byr mhl gak..huhu. Aih aku ni pin still dilema nk keje ke dok blk Msia nti. Klu keje pon sbb nk tlg hisham la..but yet youre so lucky..;)